Advertisement A: We share the same sentiments about television and giving kids experiences. My husband and I felt the once-a-year big vacation was well worth the planning and saving for, as it gave us quality family time without all the usual interruptions.
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Colleen O'Reilly Wiemerslage, family columnist |
I realize that taking a family of four on vacation is very expensive if you do it the first-class way, but there are many ways to cut corners and not miss out on new and fun experiences. Pick a city, maybe even nearby, such as Chicago, Minneapolis or Milwaukee, and plan events in that city by going to the library and researching travel books.
Each person should come up with one major thing to do and a couple of backup things if there is time. Get online and search out hotels/motels for a deal that fits your wallet. Big cities often have less expensive weekend rates, so be sure to ask for the best available rate for each day. Sometimes it is beneficial to pay a little more if it includes parking and breakfast. Once you are in the city, plan to use public transportation so your kids gain this experience … in fact try out more than one kind.
Using a cooler or room refrigerator can help out with beverages and other meals. Eating out once a day instead of every meal saves a lot of money and makes that one meal exciting to plan for as well. Allow family members to plan their days. For example, if it is your 12-year-old’s day, he gets to pick what you will do that day, including where you go for your meal out. Since you will probably be gone a week, the leftover days can be planned together from the backup list you started. Because each of you gets your day, including Mom and Dad, everyone is more agreeable about sharing in the events, even if it isn’t your first choice to shop or go to a ballgame.
Planning and saving for a family vacation can be half the fun. Start a vacation jar/ account and put all your coins in and any unexpected money. Teaching your kids to save for a vacation increases their understanding of deferred gratification. All cities have free things to take in, and rates for paid events vary by the season and sometimes day of the week or time of day. For instance, going to a five-star restaurant for lunch can be half the cost of dinner. Attending a daytime movie or play is less expensive than the evening show. Playing cards by the pool while you eat a lunch from the cooler feels very special.
Researching the La Crosse area and doing similar thing here can also be fun, educational and reduce the cost of vacationing. Again let each family member plan a day from the resources you find. Have fun!
Q: I want my kids off the couch and doing something … anything and their chores. I suggest, I tell, I yell and they look at me with glazed eyes that say, “Are you talking to me?” How do other parents get their kids moving? I have three teens, 13, 15 and 17, and they all just lie around, watch TV, fight over the remote and eat. At night when I want to relax they come alive and want to be shuttled somewhere or have friends over to hang out. We are on completely different wavelengths and I am ready to ship them out to sea.
A: Time for you to plan a family meeting to discuss what needs to change. Keep in mind that sleeping and eating more is what teens do in the summer because they need to and have the time. That being said you still have the right to expect some changes … it is your home and you are the parent.
I am guessing that Sunday through Thursday are your work nights and cause the most difficulty. You need to pick one night that you have no company in the house and no driving anywhere … in other words it is your night. Planning involves a weekly event that I have suggested previously to other families. If Sunday is the day your family has dinner together. After dinner, use a large calendar to create the week ahead. Each person will use his or her own color of ink to register activities. You need to identify what needs to be done and wait … wait for each family member to volunteer for the job and mark it on the calendar. You definitely need to limit the TV, and I suggest each teen select one favorite daily TV show he or she cannot live without. This means that if they watch each other’s shows, they get three programs a day. The rest of the day the tube is off. You are not there to monitor them, so you have to trust them to be honest.
Individually meeting with each child to discuss their lack of activity and to come up with plans will also be beneficial. The 17-year-old needs at least a part-time job away from home, or else a shuttle-and-cook role at home. As far as evenings and teens coming alive … it is true and the changes you make in their day should help this some. You do not need to be a victim of your children’s lives. Respect for what each other needs is the key. You teach this when you explain, not yell, what you need and let them talk about what they need. Sharing and communicating are great skills for your teens to learn. After all, the workplace and future relationships are all about doing these two things successfully.
Colleen O’Reilly Wiemerslage is a teacher, counselor, writer and parent of two adult children. E-mail her with questions wiemerslage@aol.com.
